She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
