Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
