I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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