Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
We had to coat check the pizza.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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