He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
