Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
