I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
We named our party play list daddy issues
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
