Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I enjoy the company of your penis
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
