Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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