i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
