Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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