I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
All I want is dick and wine.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize