He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Randomize
