I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
