"it" just moved
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
