i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
