I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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