dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
