i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
