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you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I currently don't understand fingers.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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