You made me cry and you don't even care
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
