anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
