they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
