Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
