What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
