i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
