Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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