Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
