I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
