I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
