The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
