my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
