Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
