You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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