it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
