They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
