so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
