Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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