i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
