The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
did you just send me my own nude
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
