So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
no you cant smoke seaweed
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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