So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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