We're facebook friends in real life
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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