i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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