Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
