i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
