These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize