oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
