You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
