I CAN MOONWALK!
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
