Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
