I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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