well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
My liver just had a heart attack.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
