yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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