why didn't you poke me back
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
