Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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