I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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