my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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