just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Let's paint friendship bongs
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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