weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Buhtt sex?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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