I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
