the condom got lost in my hair
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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