grandma shit on top of the toilet
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
