Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
