Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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